It’s been a rough couple of months living through a pandemic, with little indication regarding if and when life will ever go back to “normal.” Explaining what “normal” looks like to children is difficult when there are no real answers. Anxiety in children is fueled by fear of the unknown which causes worry, stress and irritability.  

Even as the state continues to reopen and loosen restrictions, there are still so many questions about what’s next that we don’t have the answers to. 

Unfortunately, anxious children live in the world of “what–ifs.” What if school is different? What if I must wear a mask? What if I forget my mask? What if I won’t know anyone? What if I can’t go to Girl Scouts, or basketball or to summer camp? What if my parents get sick? What if I don’t want to go outside, to the beach or swimming? What will I do this summer if we can’t go anywhere? 

As parents, what can you do? 

Do Your Best to Answer Questions 

Answer the “what if” questions as best you can, using simple language and being honest about what you don’t know. Anxiety is typically about anticipating that something bad will happen. Children with anxiety need reassurance more than most other children. They are looking for an answer to quell the fear that keeps them up at night. If you don’t know the answer, it is OK to say that you don’t know, but that you and the important people in the child’s life are doing everything you can to make sure that they are safe wherever they are.  

Prepare Ahead of Time 

Children with anxiety like to be prepared. They want to anticipate every scenario. It may feel frustrating to you that they want to know for the sixth time if the school is safe, if desks are spaced apart, if teachers will wear masks, etc. Taking the time to have these conversations will go a long way toward reducing the fears that could potentially result in school refusal, tantrums, anxiety attacks or physical symptoms later.  

Brainstorm Answers to “What if” Questions 

Give them concrete examples of how they can respond to their “what if’s” on their own. For example, “what could you do if you have to wear a mask and you forget it at home?” Have them brainstorm ahead of time about what they would do in this situation; keep an extra mask in their backpack, tell their teacher, go to the nurse, etc. This is a way to turn a “worry thought” into a “positive thought” by creating a plan of action. 

Avoid Avoidance

Children who are anxious want to avoid situations that are scary or triggering for them. Allowing them to avoid these situations reinforces that the way to deal with their anxiety is to hide from it. You can help soothe their fears by taking small steps toward the feared situation, instead of running from it. 

Build a Coping Kit 

Help your child build a “coping kit” of tools that will work for them when they feel anxious. Some children like having a stress ball or fidget toy handy. Others like to practice deep breathing and yoga or put on headphones and listen to distracting music under a weighted blanket. Still others prefer to work with their hands – to draw, make a bracelet, knit, or build something. You and your child know best the tools that will help to calm them, and it is important that your child have access to those tools before their anxiety takes over. 

Debrief 

After your child has tried different coping tools, ask them what worked, and why, or alternatively, what didn’t work, and why not? Ongoing practice and reinforcement of these tools will allow them to access these coping skills when needed. Sometimes a skill works for a specific fear, but not for something else, so adjusting and problem solving is the best way to create lasting change. As with any skill, managing anxiety takes practice. 

Finally, do your best to manage your own anxiety around your children. You may be dealing with your own job changes, financial issues, childcare concerns, etc., but ideally it is best to keep those concerns among the adults. 

Mobile apps can also be a way to help quell anxiety, especially for preteens and teens who are rarely without their phones. 

For young children: 

• Breathe, Think Do, by Sesame Street 
• Stop Breathe and Think 
• Breathing Bubbles 
• Positive Penguins
  

For older youth: 

• Calm 
• Dreamy Kid 
• Smiling Mind 
• Take a Chill 

If you need immediate help – If you or your child need to see a counselor, contact the Behavioral Health Partners of MetroWest at (844) 528-6800. Telehealth services can be set up until in-person services resume. 

Lauren Barry, Ph.D., is a counseling psychologist who has provided treatment to children and adolescents at Wayside for over 20 years.

The post Parenting Children With Anxiety During COVID-19 appeared first on Wayside Youth & Family Support Network.

For children who struggle with mental health issues, being at home during COVID-19 normalizes many of the behaviors that are generally warning signs for depression – staying in bed all day, not showering or getting dressed and lack of interest in activities. It’s understandable given the current circumstances that your child may want to wear pajamas and stay in their room all day, but children with depression can quickly slip into a black hole if this behavior continues for days or weeks.

Children with mood disorders like depression have a harder time being quarantined, especially teens who rely heavily on social interaction and peer support. It’s important that your child continues to take prescribed medications and schedules “visits” with their provider via Telehealth or by phone.

To help your child stay mentally healthy, you can work with them on coping strategies that will help improve their mood. One technique, called “behavioral activation,” decreases isolation by increasing positive activities. Parents can work with children by identifying small, daily goals and rewarding their child when goals are achieved.

Let your child decide what goals they want to set and activities to do at home. Depending on the level of depression, it may be as simple as taking the dog for a walk, baking cookies or playing a video game with a sibling. Ideally, you want to work with your child each day, to plan activities that will include basic hygiene, movement, using their brain (ideally by participating in remote learning) and some type of social connection.

If your child is not currently in treatment but seems to be exhibiting the symptoms of depression including sadness, irritability, lack of motivation, sleeping problems, appetite changes, concentration issues or feelings of hopelessness, check in with them about how they’re feeling. Focus on listening.  You can’t fix the situation, but you can be compassionate and listen to their perspective.  If it seems that they need professional help, you can contact the Behavioral Health Partners of MetroWest at (844) 528-6800.

If you are concerned that your child is experiencing thoughts of suicide (they are exhibiting the symptoms above and are also talking about wanting to die, they are giving away possessions, they are writing or drawing images of death, they are withdrawing from you and from contact with friends, their personality changes drastically, they are agitated and feel out of control), contact the Mobile Crisis Intervention program in your area by calling 877 382-1609 or on-line at www.masspartnership.com/member/esp

At Wayside, a large percentage of the children and adolescents we work with are diagnosed with some type of mood disorder. Our counselors work with the youth and their families through outpatient and/or in-home therapy to improve their mood and return them to their typical level of functioning.

There are also some great apps that can help boost your child’s mood. Here are a few:

• Daylio – A mood tracker that involves tracking and journaling.
• Happify – games designed to improve mood.
• Pacifica – a mindfulness program for teens.
• Virtual Hope Box – ways to focus on hopefulness.
• What’s Up – A mental health app that designed to practice coping skills. Ages 4+
• Calm Harm – an app for teens to help manage thoughts of self-harm.
• A Part of Me – A game that helps children cope with the loss of a of a parent, loved one or someone close to them. Ages 11+
• My gratitude journal – A journal that encourages users to list five things they’re grateful for using text, photos and emojis. Ages 10+

Lauren Barry, Ph.D., is a counseling psychologist who has provided treatment to children and adolescents at Wayside for over 20 years.

The post Parenting Children With Depression During COVID-19 appeared first on Wayside Youth & Family Support Network.

At Wayside Youth & Family Support Network, where I’ve worked as a psychologist for 22 years, over 20 percent of our youth are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Our trained clinicians, parent support specialists and special education teachers work with families to help manage the emotional and behavioral health needs associated with ADHD. Now, as a result of COVID-19, parents are doing the work previously shared by a team of people. There’s no expectation that any parent should be able to take on any of the above roles, let alone master them.

To help, I compiled a list of tips and resources with help from John Allen, a lead Family Support Specialist at Wayside’s MetroWest Community Services program.

Behavior management:

• If your child takes medication, contact your provider to make sure you have refills and to determine if their dose needs to be changed while they are not in school. Contact your pharmacy to see if it’s possible to have the prescription mailed.
• Expect more behavior issues and remember that your child is not acting willfully when they are disorganized, loud, messy, easily distracted or unable to wait their turn.
• Establish a routine and stick to it. Based on your child’s age, have them brainstorm with you what works best for them. There is more buy-in when they are part of the plan.
• Set clear expectations and rules that are age appropriate. Give consequences based on their emotional age rather than their actual age.

Schoolwork:

• A timer is your best friend! For homework, start by setting the timer for 10 minutes and gradually increase the amount of time. Build their self-esteem (an issue for kids with ADHD) by starting with information they already know.
• Children with ADHD can be anxious. Avoid battling with your child if they are getting frustrated. John emphasizes that your relationship with your child should be more important than schoolwork.
• Focus on your child’s strengths. Children with ADHD are often very creative thinkers. Tap into what their passion is (if it’s sports, have them create a Google slideshow about their favorite team or athletes) and let them run with it!

Monitor social media:

• Encourage appropriate social media use and monitor it – FaceTiming, gaming and making TikTok dance videos are all fun and safe ways for them to stay connected to their friends.
• Consider relaxing screen time rules. Local PBS stations will be offering additional educational programming for the foreseeable future. It might be a break you both will need.
• Use apps to your advantage – Calm for meditation, Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame teaches problem solving and self-control, Stop, Breathe and Think Kids teaches mindfulness and compassion and Priority Matrix will help with relaxation and keeping track of tasks.

Take a break from screens:

• Create a menu of non-screen choices: board games, puzzles cooking, art projects, playing cards, creating a movie, listening to music, reading, caring for pets, taking walks around the neighborhood or redecorating their room.
• Being confined to the house is extremely difficult for kids with ADHD. Start the day with movement and whenever they need to get their energy out. John suggests something as simple (and fun) as jumping jacks, running around the house as fast as they can or going for a hike. His kids love Geocaching (Google it!).

If you need immediate help – If you or your child need to see a counselor, contact the Behavioral Health Partners of MetroWest at (844) 528-6800.  Telehealth services can be set up until in-person services resume.

Lauren Barry, Ph.D., is a counseling psychologist who has provided treatment to children and adolescents at Wayside for over 20 years.

The post Parenting Children With ADHD During COVID-19 appeared first on Wayside Youth & Family Support Network.